So this edition of the blog is buy one get one free, obviously I’m the freebie, my own kids don’t listen when I talk so I can’t see anyone buying my blog! But if you need something to read while you’re on the loo I have just the blog for you!

Most of you that have met Jodie recently will have seen me, but it’s ok that you have no idea who I am; basically I’m the person you push out of the way when you see Jodie somewhere and want a selfie. I’m also that arsehole that seems to be blocking every cheeky photo or video to take of her when she’s out and about.

You’re probably thinking “No, seriously who are you?” Well I’m the best friend, I’m the person that people look at and say “how is she Jodie’s best friend”? When people see me they ask if I’m her manager. I guess I don’t look like the best friend of someone who is famous for being beautiful, sexy and a trend setter.

I see people asking themselves “What’s special about Martine that Jodie spends every day with her?” Well the answer is